


Never Change

by oorsprong



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Inspired by Fanfiction, Love Confessions, M/M, Naked Cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-02 04:59:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8651899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oorsprong/pseuds/oorsprong
Summary: This ficlet is a "missing moment" based on the events of Chapter 24 of Under The Ruins of a Walled City that could generously be said to occur in chapter 23.5.  Literally fanfic of fanfic and contains spoilers for the original work.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hollycomb](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollycomb/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Under the Ruins of a Walled City](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6053959) by [hollycomb](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollycomb/pseuds/hollycomb). 



> \- Permission was requested from the author of the inspirational work prior to posting.
> 
> \- Title is a nod to LCD Soundsystem's "I Can Change", which is often on my mind as I read CWU.

 

The first night back is difficult-- so much more difficult than Ren imagined it would be.  Their homecoming is not the private victory he hoped for but a very public one with Hux playing the part of the hero for his former subordinates who flock to him reverently.  He knows he’s being irrational because Hux deserves every moment of it.  But the recounting of events in a way that the others will understand tests his patience. Phasma is too loud and Uta is oddly gentle in the way she regards Hux, as though she’s swelling with pride for him.  He feels, treacherously, as though they are taking from their former general instead of comforting him.

 

As though they expect to be reassured.  

 

Ren excuses himself and turns in early only to realize that he doesn’t know where he’s supposed to go.  He wanders their little base aimlessly, hands balled into fists.  At night the desert chill seeps in and soon he’s walking to keep warm.  When Hux finds him the wave of confusion and worry he senses irritates him anew.

 

“Are you done tucking them in for the night?” he mutters, feeling foolish even as he says it.

 

“Ren, what are you talking about?”  Hux offers an uncertain half-smile.  “Why are you acting this way?  If I didn’t know you better I’d say you were jealous.”

 

It would be cruel if it weren’t true.  He runs his fingers through his hair in frustration.

 

“Come upstairs,” Hux says, “I’ll show you our new quarters.”

 

Hux places the emphasis on ‘our’ and Ren can sense a quiver of excitement from him.  He’s proud of the little room upstairs that’s waiting for them.  Already he’s thinking about their bedrolls pushed together, how eagerly he’ll share that space with Ren-- the spot beside him at night that will never be occupied by anyone else.

 

Softening, Ren takes his hand, kissing it in a half-hearted apology  Their victory over Dala and all the time they’ve spent in private soothing one another and reaffirming their bond has left him oversensitive.  Or maybe some small part of him will always feel this way-- the raw part he’s exposed to Hux that can’t be covered up again.  The generous feedback Hux offers is so potent with forgiveness that he reaches out and pulls the other into his arms.

 

“Sorry,” he mumbles against soft hair, against the warm crook of a neck, “I’m sorry.  I just…”

 

“I want to be alone with you too,” Hux admits, pressing his forehead against Ren’s for a moment.  “But this was important.  They’ve all gone to bed.  I’m yours now-- just yours.”

 

Hux is always his but Ren understands what he means.

 

Upstairs isn’t much to look at; it’s a small room that’s private enough but clearly won’t be soundproof.  There’s a crack in the ceiling that Hux finds charming now that he’s staring up at it with Ren at his side.  It’s supposedly an old office but there’s nothing in the room that lends itself to that suggestion.

 

To his surprise and delight Hux begins to undress him, even though he’s clearly too exhausted for much more than huddling together and looking up at the stars.  They take turns disrobing one another in silence until Hux reaches out and brushes the backs of his fingers against Ren’s cheek.

 

“There are plans and decisions to be made in the coming days.  We have a lot to talk about, you know.  But I don’t want to think about any of that right now.”   _ Help me not to think about it. _

 

Ren doesn’t trust himself to speak as he lays Hux out on the flimsy bedroll, bare and perfect in the moonlight.  There’s nothing in Hux’s conscious thoughts but trust and comfort-- wanting to shield himself from the world with Ren.  It’s moving in a way Ren never suspected a single-minded urge could be.

 

“I’ve always been alone,” Ren says.  It’s a statement of fact but whatever Hux reads from it invites a kiss under his jaw-- a confession of love so unguarded that Ren feels his ears heat up, knows he must look ridiculous in the wake of it.  He hides his face against Hux’s chest and lets himself be pulled into a tangle of limbs that feels like a shelter of it’s own

 

“Now we’re home,” Hux says.

 

Stray insecurities burn away at the words.  He drinks in the slow intimacy of them and marvels at the impossible feeling that he has no desire for the good rough fuck he thought the night warranted.   Just now the thought of lying under the crack in the ceiling and listening to the Hux’s steady heartbeat until he falls asleep seems like it’s own reward for everything they’ve been through.

 

Hux runs gentle fingers through his hair, mollifying him enough to put petty fears and complaints to rest for one night at least.

 

“Never change,” he whispers to Ren; meaning the way he protectively tucks himself around narrow shoulders and slender thighs.  But also meaning those small moments of fierce defensiveness that Ren may never be able to divest himself of.  And this is the last conscious thought they share-- that this part of him, broken and irrational and needy as it is, is also why Hux loves him.

 

It’s enough to sleep the night on.


End file.
